


What Led Me Here

by BakerStTardis (Sokashi)



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 17:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2782253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokashi/pseuds/BakerStTardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is for the Reverse Big Bang on Tumblr. I got nowitsaparty's art of Dwalin who has to go to a support group for fighting where he meets Nori who is a self proclaimed kleptomaniac. I'd give more of it away but don't want to tell the story!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hello everyone. I'm Bofur and it's so good we have so many who turned out for this new group. Now I'm going to talk about the group for a minute then we'll go around and introduce ourselves and get started!"

The man was really cheerful. Like super-super cheerful. Dwalin eyed him, wondering if he'd made the right choice before it occurred to him that he didn't have a choice. Not about this. He sighed heavily and ignored the glances the sound attracted, resisted the urge to close his eyes. The man- Bofur- caught his eyes and grinned cheekily, but didn't pause.

"So we're an open group meaning the faces may change a bit over the weeks but I ask that you come as often as you can because its good for all of us. The point is supporting each other, good times and bad. I also ask that you arrive on time because we won't wait and we don't want to interrupt what could be a serious conversation." His smile moved along the circle of people, meeting eyes and soothing the most obviously nervous. One man, thin with a large nose and a mane of blondish hair, wagged his eyebrows exaggeratedly at the Bofur who rolled his eyes in response but looked amused.

"Unlike other groups you'll find meeting here throughout the weeks, most of us aren't struggling with the same issues. We may have trouble leaving the house, or with a loved one, or keeping our temper." He purposely didn't look at or single out anyone but grinned supportingly. "Or maybe some of us don't know what is wrong, only that we need help." He shrugged casually. "It's all fine and if it comes to a point where a different group can give you better support, then we'll find the group for you. Any questions?"

Everyone looked sort of awkwardly at each other but no one spoke up. "Okay!" Bofur smiled and clapped his hands together once. "Then introductions. Like I said, I'm Bofur and I started leading groups after my cousin was severely injured. My brother and I really struggled with it. Bifur is alive and most of the time can function normally but lost the ability to speak common tongue. He has good days and bad days even now but I don't think I could've gotten through it without the support group suggested to me." His face had sobered a little, during the speech and Dwalin stared at the floor feeling a little guilty for his thoughts before. "Now let's go round the circle. You don't have to share today but at least give your name please."

Dwalin knew he should listen but he zoned out quickly, the familiar numbness settling in even as he watched the faces around him speak. He didn't care, not enough to even be annoyed, and that bothered him more than anything. He flexed his fingers, felt the bruised joints ache, the split skin stretch then jumped a little when he realized everyone was looking at him.

"Oh." He straightened in his chair then stilled so he wouldn't fidge, could hear Balin's voice in his head telling him to just try. Please. They were all staring and Dwalin scowled at the feeling. "I'm Dwalin and-" and he was tempted, for a moment. To try to explain but these were just introductions and he could feel the words on his tongue but they wouldn't be quick or quiet, they'd be many and varied and maybe loud so he swallowed and scowled harder. "And I like to fight." He spat, disgusted with himself. With everything, and that- THAT emotion he could feel. Disgust was easy but useless and no one noticed, of course they didn't. Some looked worried or curious but the introductions moved on and this time Dwalin tried to follow them. Anything to shove the disgust out of his head and the words off his tongue.

 

The meeting ended but Dwalin didn't linger. He hauled on his jacket and headed for the door while everyone else hovered uncomfortably between the circle of chairs and freedom. The first breath of cold, crisp air was sharp in his lungs and he took a second, savoring the ache. The sky was dark, the clouds low and damp. It wasn't quite snow yet but soon it would be. He paused in the shelter of the building to dig out his ear buds and flicked the music on. The deep, reverberating sounds shivered out into the cold air, mournful and lonely. It was satisfying even as it gouged at the hollow already in his chest. Dwalin put a hand there, paused in the bright lights of the coffee shop that was above, and just breathed for a minute. It was a moment, nothing more, but an eternity in a second. Aching, open raw hurt. Then a breathed again and turned down the road towards home just as someone stepped into pace beside him, smooth and practically silent. 

Dwalin twitched in surprise, heart lurching as he glanced over to find an unfamiliar man walking just a touch too close. The man grinned at him, cheekily, but didn't say anything. "Can I help you?" Dwalin tugged an ear bud out and growled, but didn't stop walking either.

The grin turned more cocky than cheeky, a quirk of the lips that Dwalin scowled over. "I'm just walking." He replied jauntily. His pace was exactly matching Dwalin's and it was...unnerving. He didn't seem to be mocking, but who did this? Dwalin glanced over again and sighed. 

"You're from the meeting."

"I didn't think you were paying that much attention." The other man sounded pleased. Dwalin refused to look at him this time. Or respond. "I'm Nori." He offered. When Dwalin didn't respond again the man nudged him familiarly and when Dwalin looked at him in outrage Nori grinned wide, showing teeth. "I only tell you because I know you weren't listening in there."

Guilt made Dwalin flush and speed up a bit, using his long legs to cover more ground and hopefully get away from his unwelcome company. To his consternation, Nori kept up. Casually.

"Oh, don't feel bad. It can be overwhelming at first. All those new people, new names, new stories." Dwalin stopped and turned but if he'd hoped to take Nori by surprise he was wrong. The smaller man stopped easily and grinned again, as if he knew just how annoying he was. "I like stories."

"I don't." Dwalin said, looming over the other man, but he didn't seem intimidated. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it. Dwalin scowled harder and took a step back as Nori shrugged.

"Some people don't." He cocked his head, hazel eyes knowing. "But I think you do. You've just forgotten."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Dwalin growled, jerking back. 

But now Nori was twisting away, fading quickly into the darkness with another toothy smile. "I'll see you, Dwalin!" 

 

Nori heard the larger man grumbling behind him but didn't pause to listen. Instead he smiled to himself and looked at the handful of things he'd pickpocketed from Dwalin. A couple of receipts from local bars, a pencil stub of a particular brand, a bit of hard resin he was unfamiliar with and a strangely shaped key, small and angular. He hummed thoughtfully to himself as he shuffled through it all and tucked it all in a safe pocket inside his jacket. For later.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Dwalin leaned against the counter and squinted broodily into his coffee, his ipod shovedoff to one side with the ear buds tangled together from the night before. Durin's Folk Scribes and Parchment was a small place full of inks and quills, fancy parchment and all kinds of special writing tools that Dwalin unfortunately knew all the uses of now. His brother Balin owned it and stayed busy with all types of Very Important Work that Dwalin wasn't interested in even if his brother could talk about it. More and more it left Dwalin running the shop while his brother worked in the back or had meetings out and Dwalin couldn't complain because if he wasn't helping his brother out- well, he really didn't have much else to do. Not anymore.

The night before Balin had waited up for him and the understanding concern in his brother's face had been stupidly hard to stomach. Dwalin felt his stomach churn again at the memory and his gruff, "It was fine." that answered the question his brother kindly hadn't asked had been testy. Sharp with reluctance and embarrassment. Balin had simply nodded, ignoring his tone, and looked a touch relieved before heading off to bed. Leaving Dwalin had felt disappointed at the lack of attention and relief at being left alone which was stupid. He couldn't have both. The mix of emotions made him cranky and irritable. They didn't make sense. HE didn't make sense. He didn't want fussed over but the lack of attention made him...lonely. And frustrated. And that new feeling churned up, the desperate sort of painful hopelessness and Dwalin closed his eyes, clenching his teeth against it when there was a chime at the door and the light pad of feet. He opened his eyes at the click of a pencil against the counter and unfamiliar, quick looking fingers tapping against it.

"Hello." Cheerful, sly, half familiar. 

Dwalin looked up and just stared, certain he was seeing things wrong because it was the guy from last night. Standing there in from of him smiling again. He didn't seem put off by Dwalin's staring. In fact his grin broadened and he didn't look away from Dwalin's eyes, completely unintimidated. The silence stretched out, where it could be uncomfortable, but it just made the man-Nori's grin broaden. "So I was wondering what you could tell me about this pencil." He nudged it forward with a forefinger, not once glancing away. 

A little bewildered, Dwlin looked down again at the pencil stub. It looked familiar. He scowled and picked it up, ignoring the brush of the other man's fingers against his. "This-" he growled, leaning forward over the counter, hands aching to make fists. "Is a Longbeard Heft Point Number 6-" that had definitely been in his pocket the night before-

"Excellent!" Nori exclaimed before Dwalin could finish, brushing away any threatening Dwalin had been aiming for. "Did you hear that, Ori?" He half turned and pulled a smallish bundle of blondish hair and knitted things from between the shelves and presented the young man to Dwalin with a grin. "My brother, Ori." Nori said proudly, grinning widely. "He loves your stuff."

"My stuff?" Dwalin echoed and sputtered, thrown off by the sight of big worried eyes in a young, friendly face. 

"Hello." The young man said timidly and looked between Dwalin and Nori, curious despite his shyness.

Dwalin blinked a couple of times while Ori stared and Nori, well, grinned. "There's two of you." He stated finally, frowning back.

Nori snorted. "Ori? No. Ori's a good kid. A writer and an artist. Nothing like me." The grin tilted, the eyes skimmed along Dwalin and he felt himself straighten in response even as he struggled to keep up with the conversation. He scowled when he realized what he was doing and turned the threatening glare on the older of the two but before he could speak Ori shuffled closer and cleared his throat decisively.

"Mr. Dwalin? Do you sell that pencil here? Because I used it a bit this morning and it's actually exactly what I need for my project-" Ori blushed and took a step back, his excited diatribe falling silent and the bigger man realized he'd stood and was scowling at him now. Without reason. Dwalin sighed to himself and wiped a hand over his face, letting his shoulders drop and just trying to ignore the older brother for the moment. 

"Here, lad, I'll show you." He said kindly, if reluctantly, and came around the counter with the oh-so-familiar pencil stub crushed in his palm. Nori didn't move but made him brush past, the hiss of their clothes loud in the quiet of the store. Dwalin scowled, mentally muttering to himself about getting some music in the store and doing his best to ignore Nori while Ori exclaimed over pencils and sharpening knives before spotting quills and hurrying over the fuss over them too. Despite himself Dwalin found himself smiling slightly watching the younger man. 

"He's a good kid." Nori said suddenly beside him again. The grin this time was softer, focused ahead on his brother and not on Dwalin. 

Dwalin bristled a bit but relented, mostly because they were in his brother's store and not on the street. He could at least pretend to be an adult. "He reminds me a bit of my brother. The one who owns this place." Nori didn't make a despair aging mark just loked politely curious and that fact made Dwalin uncomfortable. He shrugged his shoulders and stared ahead. ".You should see him when the new shipments come in. It's all- 'look at this parchment' and 'oh this color of ink is much closer to the cyan I ordered last time. I'm very pleased.'" Nori snorted with laughter, standing close enough their shoulders brushed and Dwalin wondered when that had happened, how he hadn't noticed. Dwalin eyed the other man from the corner of his eye as Ori hurried a little farther away to look at reams of parchment. "This pencil." Dwalin lifted his hand and opened it, the stub of pencil had been used but he easily recognized it. Those were his strokes from his pen knife, that notch where he'd crushed it a bit in a fight. "This was in my pocket last night."

At that Nori grinned and half turned to focus it on him. "Yes it was." The confession was unexpected and Dwalin blinked stupidly at him in response. "I'm a kleptomaniac." He gave a little shrug. "You can't expect too much from me." Dwalin's hands immediately went to his pockets but no. It was there. The key so familiar he didn't even need to look at it. Didn't want to. He breathed out and found Nori staring at him, face smiling cockily but eyes strangely serious. Dwalin scowled at him for good measure, but it didn't feel right. As serious as he wanted it to be. Nori's grin widened a bit. "See? I knew you liked stories."

Dwalin rounded on him and Nori laughed as if firing up his temper had been the whole point. "You-" He started to growl but Ori rounded the corner, hands full of pencils, the green feathered end of a quill bobbing against his cheek. 

"Nori, can I get these today?" 

Dwalin took a hasty step back, blinking fast. They'd been standing right against each other, staring. Talking. Nori smiled at his brother and stretched out wide, empty hands. "Of course. My treat." His eyes twinkled at Dwalin who scowled back but neither paid attention. "How would you like paid?" 

This time Dwalin growled outright. "Cash." He said firmly, but it only made the other man laugh out loud, head thrown back and eyes bright with amusement. 

"Of course, Dwalin." He made a sweeping gesture towards the counter again and Dwalin could feel the man's eyes on him the whole walk back. It made the skin on the back of his neck prickle with awareness but he couldn't think of what else to say so he said nothing. Luckily Ori didn't notice anything and chattered excitedly about his purchases while Nori patiently listened. The money Nori handed over was perfectly normal looking and he laughed again at the suspicious look Dwalin gave it but didn't say anything but a quick goodbye as he and his brother walked out of the store. 

Balin stuck his head out of the back room, beard bushy and dusted with pounce from the calligraphy he'd been working on all morning. "What was that?" He asked, eyes bright with curiosity. They tracked movement outside the window but when Dwalin turned, expecting to see Nori doing who knew what, he found nothing there at all. He turned back to see Balin coming out of the room, looking even more curious and- mischievous Dwalin recognized easily. 

He scowled. "Nothing. Customers." 

"You knew them." Balin pointed out patiently. He wasn't quite smiling.

Dwalin felt himself turn red and hated it. "Guy from the meeting last night." He said gruffly and rolled the bit of pencil from his pocket between his fingers, not quite looking at his brother.

"Ah." Balin said, the word heavy with everything he wasn't saying but the pleased tone was enough to make Dwalin growl. "You're making-friends. That's good."

"No." Dwalin said sharply, glaring. "Just a guy."

Balin's white brows shot up at the word but lowered knowingly. "Ah." He said again and bobbed his head. "Well come get me next time. The one seemed to know what he was talking about. I always like seeing young ones interested in good stock."

Dwalin hunched his shoulders and sat at the counter again, making a noncommittal noise. It was enough for Balin. He left without another word, but made a pleased sort of hum. Dwalin fussed with his bit of pencil again and reached for a scrap of paper. Lost in thought, he sketched out some music staffs, little drops on notes falling along them while he scowled over too serious eyes and a cocky grin.

 

Outside, Nori watched Dwalin talk to a man who had to be his brother. For all they didn't look alike, they had a similar air about them. A steady way of staring at someone in a way that spoke more than words. Nori could see it now in the eyes beneath those white brows through the window. Curiosity, and a gentle warning. He hummed to himself and turned to catch up with Ori, his hand tangled in the ear buds of the ipod he'd nicked off the counter. Dwalin hadn't noticed its absence any more than he'd noticed the return of his things to his pockets when he'd stepped past Nori earlier. Nori grinned to himself and shook the ear buds out while Ori looked at him curiously. 

"You returned his things and stole something else?" 

Nori blinked in surprise. "You knew?" 

Ori looked a touch smug. "I have eyes and you for a brother. I'm not blind any more than you're a kleptomaniac." He nudged his shoulder against his brother's affectionately, ignoring Nori's frown at the words. "Dwalin seems...nice."

Nori snorted, flicking the ipod on and looking with surprise at its contents. "You know I don't do nice, Ori, but he has...something, certainly. I just don't know what yet."


	3. Chapter 3

Dwalin sat in his room and stared. Instruments lined the wall across from him, sheet music and microphones piled on the desk. Beside him were the scribbled lines of something new. He'd written it all in a handful of hours, rushing home from the shop to his instruments to get it out. But it was something he hadn't intended and didn't know what to do with, physically or emotionally, and wasn't that a fun mixture of emotions to have before heading to his meeting. The meeting where Nori would be. Dwalin shuffled his hands together, thick, rough fingers scratching over thick callused palms. It was soothing somehow, the feeling, the sight, but not enough. Memories tried to tug at him and when he shoved them away new thoughts rushed in and he didn't want to face those either. He debated for a moment skipping the meeting entirely, but Balin was waiting in the next room to see him go and he'd made a promise and he wasn't one to break them.

Standing, Dwalin shoved the papers next to him into a pocket and grabbed his coat. Balin didn't look up from whatever missive he was reading by the fire but gave a hum of acknowledgement as Dwalin crossed the room. "The snow's started." He said absently. 

Dwalin grunted and ducked his head to peer out the foggy window. Sure enough it was ghosting down, not heavy but not light enough to vanish once it hit the ground. Already everything was lined in white, the cold dim day seemed brighter from it. "I'll be home later."

"And I'll have some dinner ready for you." Balin answered calmly, a touch of approval to his voice.

Dwalin decided to walk. The streets were crowded with shoppers, decorations had gone up seemingly overnight everywhere. It was beautiful with the snow, but that sliver of his brain couldn't help but point out it was another year gone. Another year since- he shook the thought out of his head and stopped at a streetlight, glowering at the turn of his mood when someone stopped beside him. He turned abruptly, expecting Nori, and stumbled a little when it wasn't, blushing hard at the overreaction. He put a had out in apology, scowling at the ground. "Sorry. I thought you were someone else."

The kid- and he couldn't have been more than seventeen- nodded in acceptance, hid face unusually serious and adult despite his age. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up, but I think we're in group together?" He squinted up at Dwalin a bit, grey eyes from beneath scraggly dark hair that could use a brush. "I'm Dusk." 

Dwalin blinked, hand halfway frozen from reaching to shake the boy's. "Dusk?" He repeated doubtfully. A narrow chin lifted and the grey eyes harded, when he spoke the tone was all challenge.

"Yes." He said simply and shook Dwalin's hand firmly.

Dwalin smiled a little, but didn't protest and gave the kid a short nod. "Dwalin." He offered.

The kid snorted. "And you didn't like my name."

"Point taken" The light changed and they crossed the road together, snow swirling wildly at the crosswinds of buildings and cars. They were silent a bit, the good kind. Casual and unpressured. It helped Dwalin relax and he thought the kid looked better after a couple of paces, too. "Aren't you a little young to be in a support group?" Dwalin asked cautiously.

The question must not've been a surprise because Dusk didn't even blink. "No one is too young to have problems." He said, his voice dark.

Dwalin grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck, thinking back to his own childhood. "Right. Sorry. Stupid question."

Dusk made a noncommitable noise but didn't seem to hold a grudge. They shifted to one side of the sidewalk to let s woman with half a dozen kids pass and Dwalin felt the younger's eyes sweeping over him. "Do you really like to fight?"

The question was a surprise and Dwalin looked at him then scowled ahead, not knowing how to answer, but Dusk was patient and Dwalin fidgeted a bit before relenting. "It's as good an answer as any." He cast eyes over the kid, skinny but in the wiry sort of way, not underfed or neglected. "It's not always the best solution." He warned feeling suddenly like the adult in the conversation.

Dusk snorted hard with amusement and shoved his hands into his pockets. "That is NOT my problem." He said with easy confidence, a touch amused.

Dwalin mentally dithered. They weren't in the meeting yet, they weren't friends but- "So what is?" He asked after a moment. 

The kid shrugged. "Don't know yet but I'll figure it out. A friend of mine suggested a group and I figured it had to be better than brooding over it all alone." He shrugged again and Dwalin sighed, the words ringing too true.

"THAT I understand." He admitted and they share a short grin as the rounded the corner. 

The meetings took place in lower level of a local coffee shop, Took's Treats. Dwalin thought that should've made the place seem more welcoming. the entrance was a well groomed circle of plants delicately laced with snow now, the cafe itself was festooned with all the holiday trimmings and the smell of fresh coffee, hot cinnamon and something sweet, instead it felt- shuffled off. Like all the goodwill and hope had been kept for the top floor leaving bare walls and cold stone floors for the nutters below. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, tucking his neck into his shoulders against the sudden nip of wind and held the door for Dusk who slipped inside looking unreasonably cold and young.

Everyone else was already there, shuffling seats into formation under Bofur's warm stare. His grin brightened at the sight of them and he smiled, moving forward to greet them with hot drinks. "Excellent were all here and on time! Here, get warm and get settled. We'll start in a few minutes." 

Dusk moved off towards a seat near two tall elf like women. They seemed to know each other in a vague sort of way but the familiar nods and cautious hellos that were shared. Dwalin raised his cup to his lips- hot cocoa, richer and better than he expected- -and looked up into Nori's waiting eyes. The man smirked, but held his gaze from where he was lounging in a chair already, looking rather too expectant for Dwalin. He scowled and chose a seat on the other side of the room next to a tall, older fellow with long flowing grey hair and beard. The man smiled in greeting and too late Dwalin realized it put him across the circle from Nori, straight in each other's line of sight. Dwalin made to stand, but everyone was already claiming seats and he didn't want to look awkward so he stayed where he was and looked away, staring into his cocoa.

"Don't mind me, but you're being stared at." The man next to him said in a low voice that carried a little too well for Dwalin's comfort. 

Dwalin straightened a bit and caught himself before he could glance over at Nori, instead focusing on his seat partner. "Yeah, I know." He said gruffly.

The old man hummed, pleased, to himself and looked rather more mischievous than Dwalin liked. "Friend? Or enemy?" Dwalin looked up at the question and the man chuckled, waving one large hand dismissively. "Oh don't mind me or feel like you have to answer. That's my problem, you see."

Dwalin blinked, surprised by his inability to answer the question as he was by the man's rather garbled explanation."Ah, what is?" He asked cautiously, looking around for Bofur and hoping the meeting would start soon. How had he gone from talking to no one last time to this?

"My problem, why I'm here." The man said patiently and looked at Dwalin rather like Dwalin thought a grandfather would. All kind patience with a touch of know-it-all amusement. It was a feature Balin had been cultivating for years. "Some people think I'm a bit of a gossip and a meddler and suggested I come here for help before it got me into trouble." He said plainly and looked rather excited by the prospect. "I know most of the people in this room, one way or another." He leaned closer while Dwalin wondered silently if it was too late to switch seats. "Bofur, of course, I've known his family for years. Miners back in the day." He pointed out another man, red headed with a beard to be proud of. "That's Gloin. He suffers some of the family sickness." At Dwalin's confused frown the man dropped his voice a little lower. "Wealth, a possessiveness of it. It pops up ever few generations, not outright greed, mind you, not the kind that can start wars, but just enough to make him and his family unhappy." Dwalin blinked in surprise at the information then more at the smile the old man gave him. "This group will fix him right up. You'll see." He leaned back in his chair again, looking a little smug. "Dusk you've already met. He's still going by that, right? Last week it was Shade." He sounded fond but a touch worried as he watched the boy. "Then there's Bereth and Naurien. They come from the Mirkwood area, second cousins of second cousins..." He made a wide gesture to encompass lineage and Dwalin frowned.

"Your second cousins?" He asked, earning a laugh from the older man. 

"No, each other's! They'll be fine, too. Naurien is an orphan, that's a hard life for anyone but she'll figure it out. Bereth..." The old man hummed to himself, looking thoughtful but didn't continue. "Then there's Lindir, there next to Bofur. I've known his father since he was a boy. All he needs is to loosen up a bit. Relax." He leaned closer to Dwalin again. "I wouldn't say it to anyone else, but the whole Rivendale line needs to chill a bit. They're so hidebound by tradition and rules that it's stressful on the younger ones." He grimaced while Dwalin looked at him in a mixture of wonder and horror. "Now Paladin, he's just shy. Painfully so doesn't sit well in the Took clan, that." The man said gesturing to a small curly haired man sitting quietly. "And Daffodil-Daffi" He corrected himself. "She's a little too reckless, but you understand that, don't you?" The grey eyes crinkled kindly at Dwalin who blinked stupidly in response, but he couldn't help asking since it was the only one the man had left out.

"And what about him?" Dwalin jerked his chin towards Nori who was distracting Bofur from starting the group.

The man smiled secretively and leaned back in his seat looking wise and powerful now, not just some gossipy grandfather. "Nori? Well,...you'll see." He said cryptically.

Dwalin stared then forced himself to look away, heart pounding hard as the group finally started, but he couldn't keep up with whoever was speaking, he was just too thrown by the man's words. It was stupid, again, he was being stupid. He was just some old man in the basement of a coffee shop who knew too much about their little town. It wasn't like Middlehearth was a big place. It was a small town with the same families in it that had been there for generations and generations and no one new came and no one left- all at once Dwalin realized he was making a choking sound the second before his hot cocoa slipped from his fingers and hit the floor. The hot splash of liquid jolted him from inside his head and he leapt to his feet spilling apologies, hands shaking as he fumbled for a napkin. He came up with the sheets of scribbled music from his pocket and in his horror started to throw them down on it, but a pair of deft hands caught his eased them back. 

"Not those." The voice was light and familiar, calm in the chaos Dwalin was experiencing. The hands guided him back, out of the way and Dwalin watched as if from far away the others kindly clean up his mess. No one was panicked, Dusk was laughing slightly at something Daffi said, wagging a soaked napkin at the kid's face. Sound came back, gentle words and the scuff of chairs against stone floor. Someone moved close to him and he looked up to find Nori there, patient and calm, watching him. Nori gave him a little smile, not as cocky as most, but also not condescending or worried. "Better? Need a minute?" He offered frankly. 

"Okay." Dwalin choked a bit on the word, then straightened and cleared his throat, tried again. "I'm okay. Thank you." Time reset itself, everything moving and sounding normal again. No one crowded him or eyed him funny. Only Nori was nearby but the touch of his hand on Dwalin's arm was somehow familiar and...okay at the moment. It lacked the buzz of annoyance and vein of anger Dwalin had felt last time they'd been around each other. He put that thought away for later and focused on breathing, on Bofur stepping gently closer, his face both frank and kind. 

"Are you okay, Dwalin? Do you need anything or should we call someone?"

"No. No." Dwalin shook his head, embarrassed now, and grimaced. "No, sorry, I just-" How to explain? What to explain? "I'm sorry. I got distracted and just dropped it and it startled me. It's stupid, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt." He didn't know what else to say or what to explain and he was grateful, so grateful when Bofur smiled, holding his eyes and nodded once, accepting the words.

"Accidents happen." He said a little more brightly."We all understand that, don't we?" He said a touch louder. 

Paladin scooped up the last of the dirtied napkins and took an obvious deep breath, steeling himself before speaking. "I d-drop teacups all the time at home. My rug in the tea room is absolutely beyond repair!" He offered with a shy but self deprecating smile. Dwalin smiled back, it was easier than he expected.

"Thank you." He said to all of them, his voice low but carrying. "And thanks for cleaning my mess."

One of the women snorted. "If only all our messes weren't so easy to clean, we wouldn't be here. Another cocoa?" She offered, moving across the room.

"No, thank you." Dwalin said sincerely and took his seat again. The group took a few minutes to settle again, but the conversations seemed to flow easier or be more natural or something. Or maybe this time it was just Dwalin able to pay attention as Lindir talked quickly about the dinner his father was giving soon and all the work that was going into it. His words became more clipped and faster as his aggitation increased. Then Paladin talked about the opposite, about family who were constantly moving and doing and leaving him behind, not even bothering to wait for him to keep up anymore. And Dwalin found suddenly that the whole hour was gone and Bofur was straightening in his seat, sharing that gentle smile he had with everyone. 

"This was great, all of you. Today was great. Now we don't have much time left but I have a few exercises I think we can all benefit from." Dwalin instinctively tensed, half expecting some weird pseudoscience but in fact all Bofur did was ask them all to take time to slow things down. To sit and focus on their breathing or even when doing tasks to just focus on each motion, to stress less on the outcome and focus more on the task. It was oddly, helpful, Dwalin thought as he stood again, then felt stupid for being surprised that a support group was actually useful. He'd been resistant to it, yes, and would still rather not go, but he had to admit that so far it usually left him feeling better than picking fights at the bar even if it didn't contribute to his real problem. 

Dwalin thought of the music he'd written, unprompted, without a fight, that he'd shoved into his pocket before he came. He reached for it, wanting its familiar texture, but came up with his ipod instead. His ipod that he hadn't seen in days and couldn't recall where he'd left. His ipod he now realized had been at the shop with him when Nori showed up... He turned around, already growling, to confront the man and stopped short at Bofur appearing in front of him, face kind but eyes serious. "Dwalin, I was wondering if we could talk privately for a few minutes before you go?"

Dwalin's stomach dropped and all thoughts of Nori fled beyond the sudden sick surety he was being asked to leave or told there was something really wrong with him or-

Bofur chuckled gently. "Don't get that look, everything is okay. I'd just like to talk a moment. Let me see the others out first, all right?" Dwalin nodded and Bofur gave him an encouraging smile before heading across the room to say goodbyes. Nori was already gone, Dwalin noticed. He scowled, wondering what he'd even say if he'd caught the man. Quit stealing my stuff? Or maybe that was insensitive if he really was a kleptomaniac. After all, he kept returning it too. But the music...

Bofur reappeared and smiled before waving for Dwalin to sit again. The room seemed too large with just to two of them and sounds echoed when he moved. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Dwalin, but I wanted to make sure you really were okay. That was a pretty...powerful incident you had earlier." Dwalin sat and chewed on his words, not knowing what to say or what would come out if he opened his mouth. Bofur tilted his head a little. "Do you know what triggered it?"

"Sorta." Dwalin grunted and shifted in his seat, uncomfortable but knowing that without being rude he had to answer. "I was thinking something I didn't want to think." He said haltingly, the words awakrard on his tongue.

"Gandalf didn't say something that upset you, did he?" Bofur asked cautiously.

"Not really, no." Dwalin said somewhat truthfully. Honestly the man was unnerving and he'd make a mental note to not sit next to him again, but he hadn't been mean or untruthful as far as Dwalin could see. He took a deep breath and met Bofur's worried eyes. "I'm sorry I interrupted. It won't happen again."

Bofur waved off the words before he could even finish them and leaned back more casually in his chair. "Don't worry about it. I mean it. You just showed the signs of a panic or anxiety attack. Do you get either?"

"No?" Dwalin said and it definitely came out more of a question than an answer. He scowled and looked away while Bofur nodded and looked thoughtful.

"Okay. I'll be frank with you, Dwalin." Dwalin looked back at the other man and still saw kindness and surety. Nothing else. "I know the reason you gave for coming here wasn't truthful. It just- doesn't fit. And you don't have to tell me, but the sooner you're truthful, with yourself and everyone else, the sooner we can help you." Dwalin blushed and opened his mouth but Bofur shook his head before he could speak. "No. It's okay. Just think about it. Practice what we talked about today. Find someone to talk to, even if it's not us, okay? Were just here to help. I'm here to help." Bofur grinned, eyes sincere and kind. "Now go. The snow is starting to get heavy so be careful heading home. I'll see you in s couple of days, yeah?"

He didn't wait for Dwalin's answer but stood and started cleaning the room. Dwalin left, zipping his coat up and thinking about...he wasn't sure what yet, but he knew the ipod in his pocket and the absense of his music meant something. The fact he couldn't find real anger for either of them meant more.

 

Nori waited outside the cafe just long enough to see Dwalin leave a few minutes after everyone else. He looked thougtful but not upset and, satisfied that he was okay, Nori headed the opposite way down the street, aware Dwalin would be expecting him and resisting the urge to fulfill it. Today he had a handful of music that he hadn't precisely pickpocketed but it was close enough. He slid his fingers over the pages, the low thrums of notes half familiar in the back of his brain. It would take the work of an hour to figure it out, two at most. He hummed to himself and dug out his own ipod, pulling up the newest playlist copied from Dwalin's to listen to as he made his way home.


	4. Chapter 4

"So what is it?" Ori asked, peeking over the edge of his easel at Nori to see what he was absorbed in. Nori glanced up with purposeful casualness, adept at hiding when he was caught out. The look Ori gave him was knowing, though, and a touch teasing. "I thought you returned Dwalin's ipod." 

"I did!" Nori protested dramatically. "Slipped it right back into his pocket. He never noticed." He added proudly. Ori didn't even bother to hide the roll of his eyes, but he was smiling in amusement.

"I have no doubt." Ori said mildly, peering closely at his painting or sketch or whatever he was working on now. Realizing he had no clue, Nori stood up and moved closer to see. Ori shot him a warning look but didn't protest, leaning back so he could get a look and snatching the ipod to look at in return. "What kind of music is this? I don't recognize the names." He flipped through a couple of songs then tugged the ear buds free to listen. A deep tone filled the air, low resonance that, every time, Nori felt somewhere in his gut. The tune was simple, a low melody, lamenting and aching. It gave him goosebumps, a slow shiver across his skin. The sound went on, drawing out for a long, beautiful painful moment before, like a breath, a harp appeared. Not the glittering, chiming sort of harp the Nori had always associated with the instrument but something whispering and almost dark, promising hope, drawing the deeper instrument-whatever it was- along.

All of a sudden it stopped and Nori blinked in surprise, found Ori studying him thoughtfully, eyes too keen as he handed the ipod back. "That's beautiful." Ori said with all the reverence to art he always managed. Then he looked up and caught his brothers eyes. "That's Dwalin playing, isn't it?"

Nori shrugged, trying to look unconcerned but knew he fail utterly at the look on Ori's face. "I imagine so."

"Which one?" Ori asked and when Nori shrugged again he made a humming noise. "Don't you think you should ask?" He was teasing again and Nori grimaced, flopping back onto the couch, ipod jammed back into s pocket. Ori hummed again, sounding pleased, then his pencil started scratching on the paper again. "So what did you steal from him last night?"

"What makes you think I took anything?" Nori asked, feigning nonchalance, but aware there was no way out of this conversation but through. Ori just snorted and eyed him over the easel again. "Just some papers he almost threw away anyway." This time Ori's hum of acknowledgment was doubtful and Nori grinned at the ceiling.

In fact, the music was carefully folded away in his pocket where he was brooding on what to do about it. Figuring out the music had been easy, as he'd thought. His years away from instruments had dulled his ability to read music but he hadn't lost it completely and had quickly gotten the hang of it again. The problem was not knowing what Dwalin had written the music for. The harp? Nori couldn't hear it, no matter how good his imagination was but somehow he also couldn't picture Dwalin playing one. No, he was willing to bet the man played whatever the deeper instrument was. The one that sounded so mournful and aching, and all at once Nori needed to know.

Curiousity was his greatest weakness. He'd spent most of his life hiding it behind other vices but it honestly got him on the most trouble. Nori had no doubt this would end the same. Sighing to himself, Nori rolled to his feet and ignored the knowing look Ori shot him as he slipped out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

This time Dwalin wasn't surprised to turn and find Nori standing behind him. The fact he was unlocking his front door was a little worrying, but obviously if Nori had dubious plans for Dwalin- well, it wasn't as if Dwalin had found any way to stop him yet. Dwalin just sighed a little, ignoring the ease of some tension he'd been holding between his shoulders at Nori's appearance, and continued to unlock the door. "You stole my ipod." He said as he peeled off his coat, knocking snow off his boots on the edge of the door.

Nori followed, copying his movements silently, keen eyes moving over everything. "I gave it back." He pointed out brightly.

Dwalin turned to stare at him, arms crossed over his chest. He wasn't sure why Nori was there or why he was so relieved he was. "And you stole my music." He pointed out then felt guilty because Nori had helped him, that hadn't been faked.

Nori just hummed in response, tugging the long sleeves of his hoody down to cover his fingers and turned languidly in the middle of the room to face him. He was smiling again, cocky, but his eyes- they were softer and curious. Dwalin didn't know what to do with that. Didn't know where to look. It must've amused Nori because when he spoke again, his voice was lighter, teasing. "I think it's mine, actually. The music." He waited for the words to sink in, for Dwalin's head to jerk up in surprise before grinning. "You did write it for me."

Dwalin blinked and sputtered, arms falling to his sides. "I did not!"

"Prove it." 

Dwalin blinked again and scowled. "What?" He growled.

Nori leaned close, eyes sparkling. When had they moved so close together? What was even going on? "Prove you didn't write it for me." Nori challenged and Dwalin didn't have a clue in how to respond.

"You're crazy." He managed to get out then stood there and wondered if it was true. Or maybe he was. Maybe he'd finally just lost it completely and was standing there arguing with no one.

Nori grinned and tilted back on his heels, hands shoved into his pockets. "That's not a no." He pointed out. Dwalin growled then threw himself across the room, scrubbing his hands over his head in frustration. 

"What are you even doing here? What do you want?" He turned again to find Nori watching him, eyes sharp and knowing, but his face was...thoughtful. Almost kind.

"The music on your ipod, it's you, isn't it?" Nori asked, ignoring his questions. "What is it you're playing on there? Not the harp, that's someone else but I don't know what instrument it is. Not a violin, not a cello-"

"The viol." Dwalin said, staring. "Mostly." He wanted to ask how Nori knew about music, how he could tell, what he thought of it. He asked nothing.

Nori's face cleared. "Ah, the viol. Now that is an ancient instrument." He said, nodding to himself, keen eyes never leaving Dwalin even as he moved through the room. "But you're music isn't ancient."

"We-I write it so of course not. And in the shows we-I would use electronic variations of the instruments. It gives a wider range of sounds and is easier to dance to-" Dwalin answered easily, readily, not understanding how much he wanted to talk about it, how much he missed it until that moment. Then he was totally picturing Nori at a club dancing to his music. The Nori in front of him was a little scraggly, his clothes nice but worn, body hidden behind hoodies two sizes too large and pants full of pockets which no doubt made the stealing easier, but there, in a club- Dwalin could see him in something outrageous. Skinny jeans and a mesh shirt, hair spiked around him. Tattooed arms and gold rings winking from unusual places. Dwalin blinked and shook his head, flushed, as he realized Nori was standing close again, but couldn't read the other man's face.

"All the music in your ipod. It's dated over a year ago. All of it, not one bit, had been recorded since about this time last year." Nori said plainly, eyes never leaving his face. Dwalin looked down again at the words, distracted from his thoughts. Of course it wasn't. He clenched his jaw but didn't respond, felt Nori shift closer. "I'm no fool, Dwalin, and it's easy to peice together." He said patiently, as if waiting for Dwlin to speak but he couldn't, just shook his head, shoulders bunching. He didn't know if he wanted to run away, to punch someone, or for it to finally, finally be said. "Fighting is what got you to come to meetings. Your brother?" Dwalin nodded at his pause and Nori snorted. "I've got one, too, a nosy bugger." He said and sighed. "The fighting made you come to the meetings but it's not your problem."

"No." Dwalin shuddered the word out. It hurt, like crying but without the tears. "It just felt...good."

Nori hummed and slipped around him. "I can imagine Bofur's thoughts on that. Self inflicted punishment? Retribution for what went wrong?"

"To feel." Dwalin corrected, voice like gravel. "To feel anything. So I could write. That hurt the worst. The emptiness that I couldn't write."

Nori stopped in front of him, close. "Will you tell me what happened?" He asked, voice serious and low. An offer. Not teasing, not playful. Dwalin glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"No." He said firmly then clenched his fists and let them go. "Not-not yet." He let himself admit because Mahal above they were doing this. What was going on? How had it come to this? He didn't look up but could tell Nori smiled at that, just a bit, and the breath he let out was relieved. It brushed against the side of Dwalin's neck. 

"Was he your lover?" The question was plain and Dwalin jerked at it, startled, but could see why it needed to be asked.

"No.It wasn't like that. It was different. It was more." Dwalin didn't know where to start, how to explain his devotion to Thorin and there, he'd thought his name and survived. Dwalin took a deep breath and felt Nori mirror the action, one large, nimble hand sliding up to touch his cheek. He could've moved, probably should've, but Dwalin didn't want to. The palm settled along he is jaw, fingers around his ear- he'd have to look later to make sure his earring hadn't been lifted but the thought was vague, unconcerned.

"Not like this." Nori said, tilting his head down as he lifted his own eyes sparkling with intent.

Dwalin let himself be lead, heartbeat slowing which was crazy. All of this was crazy. "No." He admitted. "Nothing like this." The kiss was slow and steady, it felt like the first notes of a song, the slow tease before tempo, the hint of melody. Dwalin pulled him in tight, felt more than heard Nori's startled laugh and thought it might be the best thing he'd felt in over a year. Nori laughed again, twisting away and Dwalin realized he'd said that out loud and would never live it down. Nori kissed him again and again, playful and frankly hot, Dwalin had no second thoughts leading him back towards the bedroom. Nori went wiggling along, shedding oversized hoodie and shaking out a headful of insane thick hair. Quick eyes took in the crowded room, the rows of instruments. He paused a moment, then pushed Dwalin back on the bed and straddled him. 

"This won't fix everything, you know. It won't cure you all at once." Nori said between kisses.

Dwalin growled, tossing his shirt away, callused hands spreading across the smaller man's back. "I don't want cured." He said and found it was true. This had been nice. Okay. Better than okay, the last few days. Things had changed, just a bit, for the better. He didn't need a quick cure anymore.

Nori groaned into him and rolled his hips, but grinned down at Dwalin. "What do you want then?"

A dozen responses flitted through Dwalin's mind but he clamped his hands around Nori's hips and rolled him deftly under him. "My music back." He teased.

Nori laughed, head thrown back and mischievousness practically bubbling from him. "It's in my pants." He taunted. "Besides, I never stole it. I saved it."

Dwalin paused, looking down at the man. "Yeah, I think you might've. I can feel, without fighting. It's not the same, it's not as clean but..." He shrugged, words failing.

Nori's curl of a smile was pleased but his words were wicked. "Do you feel this?" He asked and Dwalin grunted, suddenly not caring about anything else.

"I think I'll feel that for a while." He admitted breathlessly and savored Nori's laugh again as he moved to reciprocate.

 

Later, when snow was hissing outside, finally piling up like it had been threatening to for days, Nori rolled over, half sprawled across Dwalin's chest. He was still breathing heavily, but his face a unusually clear, even with his eyes half closed, content with pleasure. Nori tossed his hair out of the way. "Will you tell me someday? About whoever it was?" 

"Yes." Dwalin said without pause. It seemed a little clearer now, still hard, the things he needed to face and the afterglow probably made it seem much easier, but...

Nori propped his hands beneath his chin, restless, always restless. He grinned as he met Dwalin's gaze. "Will you play for me today?" He asked, more worried about the answer than he let on but Dwalin just opened his eyes and stared a moment before smiling slowly.

"Always."


	6. Epilogue

"Please tell me you didn't nick that." Dwalin said as Nori swung out of the cafe door, one fresh croissant clamped between his teeth, another waved at him. 

"Why steal something so boring?" He grinned."besides, I'm doing better." He leapt over the mess of the green before the cafe where little green shoots were sprouting up from the mud.

"You steal things out of my pockets all the time." In fact, he'd taken to wearing the key around his neck on a chain. Most things didn't bother Dwalin, he was better about so much now, but Dwalin hated it when the key went 'missing'. It had been Thorin's, left for him and he'd carry it until he wasn't supposed to anymore. Which would be a long story, the day he told it. When he was ready. 

They headed downstairs to a chorus of hellos and Dwalin actually grinned back. They settled calmly, Nori at his side with Bofur grinning cheerfully at them from across the circle. "I think, today, Strider wants to speak first." A few people down Strider straightened and gave a slight smile, not bashful really, but uncomfortable with the attention.

Dwalin looked around the room, at people who'd grown into a type of friend he wasn't used to. Gandalf still unnerved him, but he was kind and worried a lot. Lindir and Paladin found comfort in each other finding ways to relax around their very different families and in how to be themselves. Daffi and Bereth were dating which seemed to help balance each other when they didn't get into loud, passionate fights while Gloin and Naurien still struggled every day, but still came to the meetings and Dwalin had seem himself how hard even that could be.

Strider stood, he'd kept this name the longest, two months now since Christmas, and looked around the room. "I want to talk about my family for a minute, because I spent most of my life as an orphan, knowing nothing, and had no clue that would be easier than this. Than knowing." His voice shook a bit and his hands clenched, but Bofur said something encouraging and when Strider looked up, Dwalin gave him a smile. Nori leaned close, one hand finding Dwalin's and threading his fingers through. 

"He's royalty." Nori whispered, looking smug. Dwaling looked at him in surprise and Nori nodded, looking cocky. "You'll see. I've got ears everywhere." He teased.

Dwalin smiled, couldn't help it, and squeezed his hand as he focused on Strider. Yes, things were better. A little better everyday. The key against his chest felt like a weight, but one that would have to wait until later.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism and beta remarks are not welcome, thank you.
> 
> I can't write short. It's so hard for me so the whole thing feels rushed. I'm sorry! Hopefully it's still enjoyable. :)


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